Post Festivus Happenings or How I Cheated Death

I realize it has been several weeks since my last post and I apologize to my legions of readers who expect more from me. It has not been my fault. Due to the fact I am approaching my declining years, I seem to be more susceptible to illness and it seems to linger longer. After a great Festivus, I was ready and waiting for a great new year. I had even gotten to the point of securing a new job and I was continuing making Rhonda's life better by cleaning the house for her and never expecting her to prepare ANY meals. I also care for her cat, take her telephone messages, occasionally drive her to the grocery store and generally try to anticipate her every whim. About the 1st week in January, I got sicker than I have ever been in my life. High temp, coughing up watermelon-sized phlegm balls, loss of all energy, eyes sticking shut with what appeared to be extra thick green mascara , intestinal malaise usually only associated with folks in 3rd world countries or cheap motels, and other things too numerous to mention. I have felt terrible on and off for about 5 weeks. It got so bad, I put Goff Mortuary on my speed dial. In retrospect, I think The Lord was telling me not to work and to not do Housework. I try to listen to the promptings and so I am leaving the vacuum alone and not rushing back to work. I am, however, still striving to make Rhonda's life better. After going to 3 different doctors, the diagnosis was the same. They all told me I was sick. They all had the same prognosis for recovery. They all told me they weren't sure how long it would be until I felt better. I'm sure glad they all have those 4'x8' diplomas on their office walls. It made me realize that they really knew what they were talking about.
Then I got to take several prescriptions to my friendly neighborhood Walgreen's Pharmacy. I started ingesting drugs at a rate that would make Janis Joplin proud. I was really not too sure what I was taking except that I knew I liked the sweet tasting, red liquid in a bottle that had the word codeine somewhere on the label and had numerous warning about what you shouldn't do while taking the medication. It said I was not to operate machinery so I had to give up the vacuum. I tried to get further clarification on all this medication from the pharmacy technician, but I think she had just arrived in this country from Bangladesh after being terminated from AOL Call Center because no one in this country could understand her. So much for the questions.
I am happy to report I am feeling marginally better. I am well enough to head to Disneyland this week with lots of family. When I return I will again return to work, I hope. That does not include running the vacuum. I want to keep the Lord happy.
By the way, my contest announced last fall still has no winner. If you need, you can check an earlier post "Which Line Were You IN?" to get the gist. A great prize awaits the one who determines what card I have exchanged.