Baghdad in Colorado

Just a quick update on my latest road trip/fact-finding excursion to Colorado. It was grandson Mikey's 6th birthday so Rhonda and I made another foray into yuppie-ville. We had a great time. Shawn and Liz are excellent at hosting free-loaders. Anna, however needs to work on sharing the remote control. We went on some scenic drives, had too-much birthday cake but we didn't get arrested or hospitalized. Mikey had a great time. There were about 40 or 50 people at the birthday party. Most of them were friends from Shawn's work and members of their ward.

Sometime around the time we were in the church mode, Liz told us that highly placed sources in her ward(a Colorado Highway Patrolman and a grunt in the Colorado National Guard) hereafter referred to as Barney and Gomer, have been spreading the word that there is an Al-Qaeda training camp about an hour and a half away from the Ward House in the heretofore charmingly quaint, peaceful town of Buena Vista.

The next morning we ventured over to Aspen to hob-knob with the beautiful people. We knew we would fit Right in. As it was getting on to lunch time I offered to buy lunch. We saw a lady sitting on a bench eating from a McDonald's bag. We looked around and couldn't locate the restaurant. We were both too embarrassed to ask as we didn't want to appear to be a couple of hicks from out of town. We walked around the block to the next most logical establishment. It was Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Linen tablecloths, wine list five pages long and a snooty host. How could we go wrong. They actually had a ten-dollar cheeseburger on the menu that I thought sounded good as long as they gave us an extra plate and a sharp knife with which to cut the burger in half. They had some other tempting items in the $30-50 range but I wasn't sure if they accepted food stamps. I thought we should go for it and told Rhonda the choice was hers. Well after momentary consideration, she said no. I was kind of disappointed. They had some great linen napkins that really work well as shop towels. We we went back to the truck hoping to find a Kwikee Mart in the area. I take solace in the fact, however, at Judgment Day when asked how I treated my wife during our mortal probation I will be able to proclaim " I offered to take her to lunch at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse." I think this might cancel out any problems I might have for never going to Sunday School.

We left Vail and headed for a very scenic drive over Independence Pass. It was a great drive. 'The elevation at the top is 12,095'. It's a somewhat scary road.

As we descended from the pass I realized that when we got to the bottom, we would be but 20 miles from Buena Vista where, according to Barney and Gomer, Al-Qaeda was planning to launch the next jihad.

We decided to drive into Buena Vista and in a very nonchalant fashion check for any subversive activities.

As we approached town, I told Rhonda to keep n eye on the roadside to see if she could spot any roadside bombs. I told her I would watch the male population to see if I could spot anyone with a scruffy beard and a cloth diaper on their head.

After driving the length of the main street, and finding nothing more than a few local red-necks and some real ugly biker chicks, we decided it was most likely just Mormon gossip and perhaps Barney and Gomer had had a little too much caffeine.

We decided to end this fact-finding mission at the Local 7-11. I decided to check the restroom for bomb-making equipment. There was none. Rhonda checked the inside of several candy bar wrappers to check for coded messages. She found none. There were no Happy Ramadan greeting cards in the store.

I had just about discounted the whole idea as I approached the check-out counter with my health food and vitamins. Then something caught my eye. The clerk was a middle-aged woman of rather generous proportions. There was something unsettling about her.(Other than her proportions). Her official name tag said "Bambi'. I was convinced this woman was no Bambi. As soon as I had computer access again, I decided to research the name Bambi. I could find no direct translation in Arabic for this name however one site said it is possibly an Arabic phase more accurately spelled Bahm-Bea. Two possible meanings listed were 1. Death to the infidels and 2. Fresh coffee every 20 minutes. I'm still not sure.