2009 Year End Retrospective

I do not want to see 2009 end. It has been one of the greatest, if not the greatest, of my 62+ years on Mother Earth. I can't envision 2010 being as good or better. While there have been a few low spots during the year, and other years have had bigger high points, overall the year 2009 was the best ever. I will highlight a few things that made it so.


January. I went back to work. Short lived , however, as I got terribly ill while working in Park City. I think all of the "Beautiful People" I was transporting were carrying some really ugly germs.
I think my immune system was a little weak because of the surgery I had undergone in October,2008. By this time I had dropped about 60lbs.

February. Still feeling the effects of three infections. Had to terminate work. The medicine I was taking said I was not to operate machinery while ingesting the drugs. I wasn't sure but I think a 45' bus constituted some type of machinery. I also decided to stop running the vacuum at home. I did, however, continue to operate the microwave oven. I went to the fatso Dr. and by the middle of February, I was down 89lbs from my surgery date. I was taken off one of my blood pressure medications. I was starting to feel real good.


March. A great month. I have dropped to below 300lbs. I still throw up if I eat the wrong things, or eat too fast, or don't chew everything to the consistency of yogurt, but I am feeling well. Highlight of the month was a family trip to Disneyland. We had a blast. I rode all the rides, did not obsess about food, walked all over Disneyland about 37 times and could have done more. I even went swimming. For the first time in decades, I was being eye-balled by some of the fairer sex. The fact that these women had obviously been on social security for many years and most likely had cataracts, did nothing to dampen my temporary euphoria.


April. Still losing weight. Feeling better all the time. For the first time in about 7 or 8 years, I am mowing my lawn. The previous years, I was unable to complete this task on a timely basis. I hired it out or Rhonda did it. Keep in mind, I really like to mow and do yard work. When I
started mowing again, I enjoyed it so much, I mowed it 2 and sometimes 3 times a week for the entire summer.


May. Still losing weight. Still feeling better. Enjoying simple tasks that use to be almost impossible. I feel better than I have for many, many years.


June. Follow-up with fatso Dr. Officially am down 136lbs. Weight 6/9/2009 is 266lbs. That's down around 140lbs. Still throw up on occasion. I'm glad of that.


July. I had my annual physical with my primary care physician. He said he was "thrilled" with my results. My blood work was very good. All the other poking and prodding went well. Two of the nurses in the office made a point of telling me how good I looked. (No, they were not male nurses). Another highlight of the month was a trip to Las Vegas. I spent the better part of two days in the swimming pool. I spent no time at the buffet line. I felt like a kid again at Lava Hot Springs. It was wonderful. It should also be noted that again I was being eyed, but not suspiciously, by some of the female swimmers. This time, however, they were not members of the cataract club. They appeared, for the most part, to have their own teeth. I saw no walkers parked at poolside. None of them were tethered to a portable oxygen tank. Other that some ill-placed sags and stretch marks on these middle-age tarts, it was quite flattering . It was a great month.


August. Highlight of the month was motoring to Yellowstone on August 25th. When I arrived at Park Headquarters, I ponied up the requisite $10.00 for a lifetime pass to all National Parks, Monuments, Historic Places and other such places. Rewards start coming you way at age 62. Also, if you fake a good limp, sometimes nice people will let you ahead of them in line at a buffet.

Sept. Still losing, but at a slower pace. Still feel great. Still mowing my lawn at least two times per week. Also mowing my Mom's lawn. I'm such a good son.


October. Big month. Annie and Dan hauled Rhonda and yours truly to France and Italy with them for 15 days. It's a good thing I re-introduced myself to walking over the summer otherwise I would have never made it. A couple of times I felt like I was at a try out for the Bataan Death March. I've been in enough churches to last me through the eternities. I eaten enough mystery food to last me for a long, long time. I've crowded into enough subway's with hygienically challenged people to last forever. But it was a great trip. It made me appreciate home even more. One of the highlights of the trip was meeting Sister Angela, a Catholic Nun, who Annie met while on her mission. What a wonderful woman. She lives in a convent in Florence, Italy. I lost another 2lbs while traipsing all over Italy. Italian women are very attractive. Too bad they don't spend a little less on mascara and a little more on deodorant.

November. It was another memorable month. We went to California at thanksgiving to spend time with my uncle and aunt and cousins. What a great time. No, I did not pig out. I tasted a few thing I have not eaten for some time but I still lost weight during the trip. It is great to have family members who we are so close to. On my way home, I was alone. Rhonda had to be back to work the day after Thanksgiving, so she got on a plane and flew home. I was left to drive across the wilds of Nevada by myself. Speaking of wilds in Nevada, I think I observed the wildest thing in Nevada at a coffee shop in Fallon. Her name tag read "Angel". I think that was wishful thinking on her parents part. This waitress was way too attentive. She kept asking if I needed anything else while imparting a double eye brow lift at the same time. She is the one that actually needed something.. I think about 10 botox injections around her mouth would do the trick. I left in a hurry. I left lots of food on the plate.


Dec. For the second year in a row, I loved Christmas. We had a great time with family, friends and generally having the Christmas spirit. We got a new snow blower and a new front storm door for Christmas. The real present Rhonda got is that she has not cooked a meal in 15 months. I'm still doing my own cooking. We also let Red Lobster cook for us. My total weight loss is now around 190lbs. I'm still losing but very slowly. Another 2 years and I will have a better idea of my long term success potential. I have a new wardrobe(mostly from the DI). I have a new outlook on life. I have a great family, especially Rhonda, and I have much to look forward to. That's it for now. I have to go now and compile a list of the sisters in Church who have been looking my way the last few months. As I believe there will be polygamy in the hereafter, I feel it's not too soon to compile a list of candidates.